its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
