Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
