my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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