party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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