Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize