Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
