shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm at about main and main street
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
