Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
