I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize