I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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