why didn't you poke me back
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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