She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
