We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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