I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
