My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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