i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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