Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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