There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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