Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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