Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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