I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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