So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He kissed a someone with a penis
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Two words: nipple clamps
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