I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This is my gift to your gina
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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