just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
