is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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