I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize