4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
