Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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