I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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