So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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