just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize