just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize