Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't deserve a penis
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
