Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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