Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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