a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
