i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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