yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk is not a location!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
