Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
