his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
