His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
