i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
