Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize