my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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