I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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