He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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