dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
