ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
