Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
