So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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