why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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