We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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