i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
