its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
