in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
