As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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