I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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