I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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