my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize