we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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