My balls are so social today.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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