Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
