I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
