ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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