Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
