dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize