You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
