You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
