T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
