If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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