that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
