I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
