I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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