I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
