Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
