So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize