Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
