Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
