help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
