Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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