he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I did not marry a roomba.
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