You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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