My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
