making cat noises will not fix the situation.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
