hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
