It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
