Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize