dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
