i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
