so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
