I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize