I wish I only lived at night.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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