so explain again why im purple
no
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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