at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
