I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
