Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
