so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Everclear isn't food dammit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
